You say you want to know me.
I don’t think you do.
I am old.
You don’t want to know the things I have seen.
Have you watched a tree grow, from seed to leaf? Days and nights passing as you rest in a shadowed place. Light and dark flickering by like one of the film reels you love to watch. Have you seen this?
I am as old as the wind I walk upon.
I am a mother. A daughter. A sister to murdered kin.
A friend. A lover. An enemy.
I have been a hero and a villain in the same moment. If you grow old enough, you might understand what that means.
I dream in a tongue that died a thousand years before time was counted. I no longer count time. It is meaningless. There is only the light and the dark. Hot. Cold. I am a creature of sense.
I hold myself subject to no man’s law. The laws came after me. There is only one law I recognize.
I survive. I protect what is mine.
You say you want to know me. Maybe you do.
Do you want to see rivers change course? See mountains fall and islands rise? Do you want to see waves of humanity ebb and flow as civilizations grow? When they die? Both are equal in my eyes. Humanity grows like a canyon cut by rivers of blood and conquest. Leaders rise and are swept away. I have seen it. I will see it again. Are you sure you want to see it?
It might make you mad.
I have been mad. It was… freeing.
I have been mad and wise. One is only a shadow of the other. I have been fueled by rage and love in the same breath.
When I choose to breathe.
I have loved. And love has made me mad.
I have loved, and the loss of it made me rage.
I have killed those I loved.
Love is more dangerous than madness. More fickle than rage.
The Greeks had many names for it. Foolish humans divide everything, as if the dissection of an emotion will let them understand its power.
Love is larger than their divisions. I have loved. I will love again. There is only that. The love I hold has lasted as I have. It lives in my blood.
Don’t pretend to understand, human. You cannot.
We are immortal. We are the elements. Earth. Water. Wind. Fire.
We are born of them. We feed on them. We return to them when our bodies are slain. That is our eternity. We will be born again.
You say you want to know me, but what do you want to know?
I have killed thousands of your kind.
Did you want to know that?
I cannot hide among you. I don’t even try. If you met me, I would only be a shadow that your brain chooses to forget. A trick of the darkness. I am only known to those who I choose. I lie when it suits me. I might be lying now.
I probably am.
You want to know what I see when I look at him?
I see a shining boy with shadows in his eyes. A shallow pool that grows deeper with every footstep. One day, he will be infinite.
You see only the edge of a shadow of who he will become.
Do you see visions?
Don’t pretend to understand. You’re lying now. Like me.
You say you want to see a happy ending, but what does that mean for me? I have no ending.
You say I deserve to find love?
Love has been handed to me, and I threw it away. I deserve nothing.
Do I want it?
I take what I want.
You say you want to know me. I don’t think you do.
I am not what you can understand. The span of your life is a speck of dust in the wind of my existence. I exist outside of this world. They call me a wind-walker. There is truth in that. The wind travels over the world untethered. It has many names.
They are all the same air. Like me. I am all of them and none of them. I chose my name.
Holder of teachings.
I will choose another some day when I am tired of this one. I have had many names.
Mother. Daughter. Sister. Lover. Friend.
I am all of those, but none of them define me.
Maybe you do understand.